Keep Your Eye On The Prize

"We are His portion and He is our prize, 

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes" 

Yep, there's that song again :) I'm tellin you I love it! haha So if you haven't already guessed this post is about keeping your eyes on the prize. Today I've found myself wondering pointless things like: "How is my weekend gonna work out?" or "I wonder how so and so is doing." or just really stupid stuff like facebook and things that don't really matter. Basically getting wrapped up in everyday life and caring more about material things than anything else, things that were good for me. When really I should have been thinking of Him, or talking to Him. I know He's thinking of me constantly, waiting patiently for our conversations, but today I feel like I've just been letting Him down with my selfishness. 

I keep having to remind myself that these earthly things that fill my life aren't important. They are not anywhere near as important as Him. I keep catching myself letting my mind wander to worries. But why should I worry? God's got it covered. 

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

- Matthew 6:33&34

That's sort of my problem, I find myself seeking out other things before Him, when in the long run, which is really gonna be there for me? The friends that I won't know ten years from now, or my Creator and Father who loves me? I know I have several friends that I'll still be friends with in the far future, but some of those friends that consume my time, they won't be there. That's heartbreaking for me but when you think about it, that's just how life works. People grow up, people move on, and people change. God is unchanging, God is unwavering, and most importantly, God is in control. 

So let's strive this week to keep our eyes on the prize, I know I'm going to. Jesus is worth the time and effort to build that strong everlasting relationship with. Because unlike most earthly relationships, God loves us unconditionally. No matter how much we ignore Him or hurt Him, he always takes us back. So personally I'm gonna strive not to hurt Him, in fact I refuse to hurt him, I've fallen so deep in love with Jesus that I can't imagine ever breaking His heart. Just like you wouldn't want to break the heart of a loved one, for me it's not any different. Jesus is my love, and He has my heart, and I have His, and we will never hurt each other. 

Remember that you can always trust Jesus with your heart, when other people let you down and break it, even when you feel irreparable, He'll mend you. :) How great is our God?? 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

- Proverbs 3:5&6

An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.

- Proverbs 12:25

Sounds Like A Plan Stan

Ok, so I just wanna start by saying God is awesome. I can't even fully wrap my mind around what just happened. I'd say I would start at the beginning but that would mean going all the way back to my birth. Which I mean, I'll tell anybody the entire story of my life if you just ask, but that's much too long for a blog post. If you read the post before this you know how impacted my heart was last night. So, I'll start my story earlier today to catch you up on what's going on in my life. 

Earlier today my friend Jenni wrote on my facebook wall about my blog saying that it had touched her. Well I wrote back of course thanking her and encouraging her, and then that was that. Later that day I found her blog and began to read it, only to discover that her older sister Kaitlyn, whom she had blogged about, was on my swim team early this year. I sent her a quick chat message asking if the girl on my team and her sister were the same girl and she informed me that they were and I proceeded to talk about how the world is just so amazingly small. Little did I know the extent of that expression just then. We talked some more about her sister and how her life is different due to her down syndrome and how I never payed enough attention to things like this when I should have. Then that was that.

Later, Jenni sends me a chat (Which most likely would not have been sent if I hadn't felt so strongly about Kaitlyn and felt that deep need to chat her) telling me she has a new blog post up and I hurry to read it. (You can find her blog here) It's basically a run down of her night last night and how it effected her deeply and she now wants to be baptized. Well now people, I know I haven't shared with anyone what I've been pondering for the last month or so, but I've been seriously thinking about baptism myself. Although I was baptized about a year or so ago, it wasn't really personal. It was something that we did as a family and was mainly encouraged by my Dad's desire. 

Well the past month or so I've been wondering if that even counted for me at all. Ha, counted for me, like it's some fare to get into heaven, no that's not it at all. I think people have a misconception about baptism and think that as long as they've been baptized they're safe from Hell. But that's not how it works, you have to confess Jesus as your Lord and Savior for admittance through those pearly gates, and I'm ready to stand in front of the congregation and publicly devote myself to him. I've always been open about the fact that I've made mistakes and have a rough past. I thank God for my 180 everyday. I was in the complete wrong crowd doing the complete wrong things. But now, I've been saved and rescued from that past. Like the lost sheep, and coin, and son. I've been found. And I want nothing more than to be cleansed and start fresh with Jesus Christ. 

Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. - Mark 16:16

Sweet Jenni had no idea any of this was going on in my life. None. As I was reading her blog I knew I had to tell her, and I am SO glad I did. After discussing it we both realized we need each other as support systems, and we're gonna go through this together. I'm so excited and amazed by the Lord. His plan overcomes all others anyone could ever have. I've decided enormity is a good word. I can not get over this yall. Just thinking that if my dad hadn't gone back to Chiropractic school and taken us to Spartanburg, which then led to Aiken. Where i was then put in swim team, some what involuntarily but I'm so glad it happened. (Where I met Kaitlyn, who just connected me to Jenni.) However, after swim team my life took a turn in a bad way and I went down hill, turning to just about every bad thing I could do and holding on trying to find joy in it. 

Skip a month or so in advance to Kasey and Cassidy being in my Spanish class, inviting me to Millbrook. It took.. I don't even know how many invites before I accepted and went to Sunday school and church which was later followed by The Rock, and that first day I fell in love. I've been going every Sunday since, unless I'm out of town which doesn't count :P ANYWAY back to the point of this, without God putting Kasey and Cassidy into that class with me I might not have ever gone to Millbrook (Or met Jenni).

Skip forward some more to the lockout where John and I first somewhat met. We didn't really talk but he messaged me the next day on facebook and we talked all day every day after that until I had a full blown crush on this boy. John has impacted my life and changed me in a way that no other person I've ever known has done. If it weren't for him helping me in that last little push, I know I wouldn't be where I am with God today. I'm so thankful for him. 

Skip to today, where I read Jenni's blog, Jenni and I need eachother, God knew that, God knew that before either of us were even born. God knew the exact layout of my life and exactly what I would do wrong and what he would need to lay the groundwork for in advance. How huge is that? I can't even understand all of it at all. I know I'm leaving countless details out that God knows that I just can't even fathom or begin to imagine or connect. It's like everytime I think about this more I find more and more things that He has done to get me where I am today. 

I can't wait to be baptized with Jenni and go through this adventure with her. I'm so thankful to God for lining up both of our paths so that we can go through this together and support each other, because He knew, before the beginning of time, that we would need each other. I just can't stress that enough at all.. Every painful move that I've been through, every mistake I've made, it was all to get me close to Him in a way I've never felt before. I feel Him in my heart in a way I've never felt before. I CAN NOT wait to be baptized and complete that final step in getting to Him. :)

I know I've already used this verse, at least I'm pretty sure I have, but I love it so here it is again.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.

- Proverbs 16:9

Life Song :)

Wow, so The Rock tonight was AMAZING for those of you who may have missed it. We sang a song that has continued to pop up for me in the most difficult times of my life and been shown to me whenever I've needed it most this last month or so. That song is How He Loves Us By David Crowder Band. I mean I can't even think of words for how much this song means to me... And the way the band played it so powerfully and being in the atmosphere.. Needless to say it made a huge impact on my heart. I can proudly say that I've officially lifted my hand all the way up to the Lord in praise, which before tonight I couldn't. I've always been a shy worshiper, it's terrible but it's the truth. I've been timid in songs and praise and too worried of what others think to let go and give myself to Him in a public place. But oh my GOSH it feels incredible to let yourself be filled by the Spirit and shut everyone else out. I have a new, very profound longing to feel that way all the time. To let God use my heart as his home. I'm gonna put the lyrics to this awesome song right below this :)

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Dear God, please help me to let go of my fears and to simply not care about what others may think of me. Let me be yielding to you and let you make your home in my heart. I love you.

What Now?

Everyone is familiar with disappointment, we experience it all the time. Whether it be because someone let us down, or something as simple as plans not working out. Disappointment is everywhere. While some people handle it better than others it's never the easiest thing in the world. For example, I tend to be one of the people who looks up and says "Why God?" when things don't go how I'd planned or expected. But what I'm realizing I should be saying is "What now, God?" OF COURSE that isn't easy at all, especially when you're angry or hurt or your heart is broken, but then again no one ever said it was. I'm trying to learn that when I'm upset, complaining to everybody and their brother is not the right way to go. Nobody likes a whiner. So rather then be that complainer when something's gone wrong, why not just take it all to God? God would rather us pour out our hearts to him then keep that bitterness inside. Besides, God has the power to change, our friends we share our problems with however do not. He already knows the future and exactly what needs to be done, not Suzie Q. 

Here my prayer, O Lord; let my cry for help come to you 

-Psalm 102:1

So basically I just need to ask for help when I'm feeling down or discouraged by something, well that's easy enough, but it's not. Not for me anyway. I've always been the kind of person who has to have a confidant, or someone to tell all of my troubles to. The majority of my life that person has been and remains my best friend/sister, Blakely. Although she's always been a reliable reality check and most always told me what I needed (not wanted) to hear, maybe complaining to her all the time isn't my best option. Maybe crying to her over stupid things is not the way to go. Well duh Rachel, everybody knows that. Hey now, this is new for me. :) So, though my outbursts that I undoubtably drop at her feet like a puppy with a broken toy usually end with some much needed advice, I'm gonna try and stop relying so much on that. I really do think God's worked through her for me on more than one occasion though. How else could she so perfectly say what my heart needed? Obviously she's my best friend and has known me for about 9.5 years now, so that definitely helps, but I know for a fact He's worked through her. 

So here comes the "What now?" Wow that's definitely a hard one and it's going to remain a hard one until I get used to it haha. I realize I can't expect an outright reply, no Morgan Freeman commentary is going to randomly burst into my life and tell me exactly what needs to be done. But lemme tell you, that would definitely be ok with me :) No, as always you gotta turn to the bible. It's called the Living Word for a reason you know. Every time I look at a verse that I saw before it has a completely different meaning to me that applies to whatever it is I'm going through. Which just amazes me in and of itself. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

-Phillippians 4:6-7

Therefore ladies and gentlemen you must complain to him :) it says so right there. Well maybe not complain exactlyyy, but it does say to bring it to Him with thanksgiving. This is where I bring in the "What now?" As in, "Ok here it all is God, everything in my life right now that I just can't bare alone, so what now? What's next?" I can't wait to use this question, to have the opportunity to say this to Him. Yea that means I'm gonna have to face disappointment in the process but I think it's more than worth a little disappointment to get close to Him and let him run my life.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.

- Proverbs 16:9

Wallie

Wallie was my 3rd birthday present and I can't possibly think of a better present that I've ever received in my entire life. I wanna do a post devoted to him later but for now I just want to list the things I loved about him.

- He was insanely protective

- Loyal

- He loved unconditionally

- He loved cat food

- He and Peaches, my cat, secretly loved eachother and didn't like the whole dog chases the cat business

- He loved Sierra until the day he died, and she will always love him

- He's always taken care of me or tried so hard to

- Hot boggy dog breath in the backseat of the car on long trips

- The sloppy nose prints all over my back windows 

- The cone of shame

- The way he would lock himself in the bathroom every 2 seconds, I'll miss that more than anything.. and he actually figured out how to get out like last week.. 

- His sad eyes that could get him anything he wanted

- His willingness to do whatever you wanted him to do

- How he always ate the cat's food if it were ever in reach

- The way he'd pop his nose under your hand to make you pet him

- His long long nose

- When little kids on the beach would tell their parents that their was a "lion"

- His sneakiness when stealing food

- His willingness to give his pillow to Sierra even though he was in pain

- His attempt to mask his pain and hold on just for us

- He and Sierra playing in the snow in Spartanburg

- The way he greeted me at the door 

- His dislike of swimming and water

- The way he wandered aimlessly, checking on everyone in the house

- How he stayed up all night guarding us and then slept all day while we were away

- The beacon bark

- How he would follow us all the way across the farm, when he could

- When Cleo was lost all we had to do was walk Wallie down to the woods and he would run out

- When Grandma hugged me too tight once and he barked at her until she stopped

- The time he ate the corned beef that took forever to cook

- The click clack of his nails on tile

- He was a fighter

- Never in all his years did he ever catch a piece of food thrown to him because his nose was just too long

- How he would walk right next to you and never stray, or you could open the door and he wouldn't walk out until prompted as well as back in

- His complete innocence

- The way he would tattle on himself or Sierra, he could never hide guilt and he felt guilt

- He was my playmate, my love, my sibling, my bestfriend, the light of my life.

- No matter how mad I got I could never stay made at his sad eyes

- He would smile at people, with his mouth and his eyes

- He could tell a good person from a bad one

- He could sit and stay and shake 

- When you'd give him baths and his poof ball hair would deflate revealing his little rat body :)

- The way he knew when something was wrong

- The way he tried to comfort me

- As much as he hurt in the end he still pushed himself to walk and keep up with us, and fought not to let go

- Again, he was a fighter.

- His hair looked straight but when he shed it, it was tight crimped looking curls

- The way my back would ache because he took so long to bathe

- How he would lay there and let you brush him for hours

- His calmness

- The way he loved children 

- His tolerance

- His gullibility

- His trust

- Cheeto legs

I need to try and get some sleep, but these are just a few reasons why I will ALWAYS love Wallie the collie..

Wallie, the sheepish collie, Wallie, he's always tryin to be a wild and wholly collie. Wallie the sheepish collie.

Wallie wherever you are, I hope you're running.. I hope you feel no more pain and you can jump and chase squirrels.. I love you so much Wallie, I miss you already.. 

Pigeon: Impossible, really cute video :)

dANGER

Ephesians 4:26 Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.

Anger and Danger are not so different when you think about it. When most people think of danger they think of an instance where they could be harmed, physically. Well anger is an instance where someone can be harmed too, hopefully not physically but sometimes it comes to that. Anger is in my opinion one of the most dangerous emotions equipped to the human mind. Those who are quick to anger find themselves full of regret and remorse upon lashing out, but you don't have to be quick to anger to feel this self-condemnation. Everybody gets mad, it's 100% natural. The danger comes in how we handle our anger. If you allow yourself to be overwhelmed by your fury then you're in a hazardous situation.

Proverbs 16:32 Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.

God even tells us it's better for us to be patient than it is for us to have any amount of power or strength; and further that it's better for us to control our temper and calmly handle things than it is to take action. God wants us to be docile even in anger. This is absolutely no easy feat for me, when I'm angry, which I can't say happens to terribly often anymore, but when I am I lose control. I have no control over my tongue or my actions causing me to have strong regrets when all is said and done. 

Proverbs 15:18 A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel. 

So I think it's very clear what I need to work on for this week haha, though I 

know that my patience has improved drastically, my temper however has yet to be 

examined. When I look back at any argument I've ever had in my life that I've

snapped back or lashed out in, never has it gone well, it only makes it worse. I only

wish that I would have known all of this sooner, but alas you learn from every

mistake you make :) I know I do anyway. So my challenge for myself is to not lash

back, even upon being attacked, I'm going to force myself to remain calm and

patient, trusting in the Lord to give me the right thing to say or do.

 Colossians 3:8 But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.