With A Heavy Heart... In A Good Way.

Because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.

-Romans 8:14

"This is the story all about how my life got flip turned upside down, and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there" to tell you all about Jesus and the power of prayer. Yea I DEFINITELY just put the Fresh Prince of Bel Air lyrics in here in the most cheesy way ever haha butttt it's me :) besides you know you love my little ending. Anyway, this morning God showed me something, well I wouldn't really say showed me so much as slapped it into me, but either way it's there. So at our wonderful church there is a wonderful girl. I don't even know this girl's name but I see her every week, this girl is an amazing Christian. Every week she sits alone but she praises Jesus, she lifts up her hands and just lets go, she dances and sings at the top of her lungs and she is truly in love with God. Well today during "Lead Me To The Cross" she started crying, and I saw this. I'm the kind of person who when I see someone crying I have an instant need to hug them, but I rarely embrace this need unless I know the person. Well this morning it was more than a need it was an absolute must. I told Allie and Jenni about my need to hug this girl and they kind of chuckled at me because it's definitely not the first time I've made a statement like that. The next thing I know I'm sliding past Allie and into the aisle. "Ok God, what are you doing? Where am I going?" My steps were more firm then I think they've ever been in my life. I had no idea what was happening, I was completely out of control just on total auto pilot. I was not the one moving my feet, and the whole way there I tried to make myself stop, but I couldn't, I had NO idea what I was doing!! So all of a sudden I'm standing next to this girl praising alone and crying at this pew and I just told her that I really felt led to hug her and she immediately turned and gave into me. As I stood there hugging her she cried into my shoulder and something was set off inside of me. My heart felt like it had just been hit by a truck. I told her she was more than welcome to come sit with us and she told me that she might do that, but to my dismay she never did. But it still doesn't change the weight that is laying on my heart. For the rest of the day I've felt this intense.. pressure almost, but not a bad pressure just like this heavy.. thing on my heart. It's more physical then a broken leg, I can literally feel it resting inside of me. I started instantly struggling with what this meant for me, never before have I felt something like this, a pull this strong. I think I've realized that that's what I need to do. That's what God wants my life to be. I feel so led to the church and ministry that just I know that somehow that's what I need to do. I have no idea what exactly it is, just that it involves Him. Which is exciting and frightening at the same time. Since I was 3 years old I knew that I wanted to be a veterinarian. I've always had a passion for animals so what better way to express that passion than through being their doctor and saving their lives? All my life my parents and I have set a path to shape me and better me to reach my goal. Everything I've done in my life has been to prepare me for that. But now, just today, all of a sudden, that's been shaken up. In one day 13 years worth of planning and so called knowing have been flipped upside down. I have no idea what I need to do or be anymore. All I know is that I have a love for all people, I love EVERYBODY. I also love helping people, I love helping them figure out their problems and working through it with them, I love being a loyal and steady rock that people can turn to. But most of all, I love telling people about Jesus. I know now that somehow I need to satisfy all of these traits, and I don't know how to do that yet. I was talking to Camilla earlier and used the term "God Guidance Counselor" I think there would be no job more incredible for myself than to be able to listen to people and help them through God's word. I don't even know if there's a job like that out there for me, but I would love to find out. Yes I've already thought about Guidance Counselor In A Private School and I just don't think I could do that.. I don't think I could be in a school because I have no desire to be an authoritarian for kids other than my own, I just wanna be there for them, I just wanna help guide them. I don't know, you can rest assured that there will be much thought and prayer on this, Centrifuge you could not be coming at a more perfect time. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me and for Millbrook this next week but I know in my heart that it's gonna be incredible. :) 

But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.

- John 16:13

Apple Of My Eye

Keep my commands and you will live; guard my teachings as the apple of your eye. Bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart. 

Proverbs 7:2&3

Lately I find myself worrying and thinking more about people than I do about God. This is definitely a no no. Although I may be facing struggles that require I good bit of prayer and attention, the last thing I need to do is lose sight of the only one who can save me from it all. I keep getting so frustrated with myself because as the days go bye, all I'm thinking about are people. I'll catch myself doing these things and shoot up a prayer but then I'm right back at it. I wish someone would just grab me and tell me to "STOP WORRYING!" It's like no matter how many times I blog about worry and giving it up to him, I still have issues with it. But you know what? That's ok. I'm not perfect, nobody is. Jesus was the only man to ever be completely perfect and free of sin. So it's ok to worry, and it's ok to lose your way every now and then. What I haven't been doing however is guarding His teachings, I keep letting them slip my mind or forgetting what He's already taught me and find myself having to relearn. I found that verse about keeping his teachings as the apple of your eye today and it caught my attention. Well I started studying it but when it really made an impact was when I read this little insert in my study bible that talked about how much we take care of and protect our eyes. Our entire bodies are equipped to protect your eye's center, the pupil, from harm. Your eyelids reflexively snap shut at the smallest hint of danger, your tear ducts are ready and constantly cleansing any irritiation that may approach and nerve endings are able to send alerts at just the slightest pain or pressure. God wants us to keep and protect His word and teachings as you would your eyes, in other words, guard His "teachings as the apple of your eye." 

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. - James 1:5

So say you don't have any of His teachings yet, that's ok too, after all you gotta start somewhere :) If you desire a relationship with God all you have to do is love Him. Treat Him like you would any relationship your in, take time to get to know Him, come to Him when you have a problem, and most of all trust him. God desires nothing more than to make YOU the apple of HIS eye. 

What we've learned today: Just because you've already learned something doesn't mean you should stop studying it and learning it over and over again. Don't let go of lessons God has shown or put you through, guard them in the apple of your eye.

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

James 3:17